What Is Trauma?

Trauma has become a buzzword. So much so that it has entered our daily vocabulary, where it is not uncommon to hear someone exclaim jokingly, “I’m traumatized by that!” But what do we really know about trauma? And most importantly, do we know how to be trauma-informed in our own relationships and connections with others?

What is trauma and how does it occur?

Trauma, translated from Greek means “wound”.

This wound can be a physical one - a broken arm, a head injury or a bruise. It can also be a psychological or emotional one, leaving scars invisible to the eye.

A physical trauma occurs as a result of an injury. You may have been swinging on the monkey bars, fell and broke your arm. Psychological or emotional trauma is also a result of an injury, but an injury of a different kind.

In most simple terms, trauma is a physiological response that bore no witness. It’s a fight/flight/freeze/fawn response that got stuck and was never named, addressed or soothed. It is something that happened to you and no one was there to make it better.

Let’s look at a few imaginary examples to help us understand this.

1. You are a creative teen, expressing yourself through drawing and painting. You are elated to find out that one of your pieces has been selected for a prestigious art show in a different city. You tell your loved ones in joy and excitement, and the response is one of anger. Your family is too busy with other things and doesn’t appreciate your interference. You half expected this reaction because you are very used to it. It is one out of many instances where you feel invisible in your family.

2. You are driving on the highway, when you hear the screeching of breaks and sounds of a crash. When you turn to look right, you see a truck overturned in one of the lanes. There has been a bad accident. It takes you hours to get home, and when you are there, no one is around for you to talk to.

3. You came to the States with your family, and you know almost no English. Your classmates are making fun of you behind your teacher’s back and mimic your attempts at pronouncing words. They tease you about your clothes, your hair, the lunch you bring to school. You hear your classmates whisper and point to you, they bully you and make you feel singled out and completely alone. You don’t want to go to school anymore.

4. You grow up hearing stories of the suffering of your ancestors, be it war, famine or genocide. You and your loved ones carry these stories and are shaped by them in your daily life. While you may not have experienced these events firsthand, you feel a knowledge deep in your bones that is made of suffering and pain of the ones that came before you.

While these scenarios may seem very different, they all have a common thread between them: something happens that causes an intense reaction in our brain and bodies (it can be a scary thing or a joyous thing), and there is no one there to be with us in the aftermath.

Each one of the examples above is also an example of a certain kind of trauma. Check back to the examples and see the definition of the trauma below.

1. Chronic trauma, complex trauma: characterized by ongoing, long-term emotional and physical symptoms that can stem from lack of secure attachment, mental health issues in the family, abuse, instability in the home, neglect, abandonment, etc.

2. Acute trauma, shock trauma: typically a single traumatic incident that occurs out of nowhere. It can be a sudden death in the family, an accident, a natural disaster, being diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, etc.

3. Cultural/systemic/racial trauma: this kind of trauma is experienced through repeated microagressions, discrimination, racism/sexism/homophobia/xenophobia/ableism/weight stigma/ageism, etc. It is characterized by repeatedly undergoing and/or witnessing behavior and acts that are dehumanizing, othering and demeaning.

4. Historical/intergenerational trauma: the type of trauma that is passed down through epigenetics from one generation to the next, altering our genes and priming our bodies to resist, fight or avoid the threats, pain and suffering our ancestors have experienced.

Not everything is traumatic, but anything can be traumatizing

Not everyone who has experienced a traumatic event is traumatized by it. Why?

Because someone was there for this person, whether during or after the event. The person who has witnessed a horrible car accident may not become traumatized by it if they come home and have a chance to tell a roommate about it and process in whatever way is necessary: vent, cry, move, shake, dance, laugh, etc.

Humans are relational beings. And while there may be instances where a person is able to shake off trauma (literally or metaphorically) on their own, my personal belief is that trauma requires a relational response. It is when we are held - once again, literally or metaphorically - by another human being, when we have a chance to share what happened, how it impacted us, what kind of meaning we made from this event(s), that is when our bodies begin to relax, little by little. That is when our minds tap into the minds of another human, where a sense of safety and calm can become a place of healing.

Which brings us to the next important point - how do we bring a trauma-informed, or a trauma-aware approach to our every day relationships?

You may already know from interacting with friends, family and loved ones who have suffered something traumatic that the journey is vast and different for each person involved. However, the next few things to be aware of can be helpful for anyone approaching someone who has lived through trauma:

1. Know that trauma lives in both body and brain. This may mean that your loved one can cognitively think/be aware of one thing, while an entirely different thing is going on with their body. Be gentle with them in this duality.

2. Be on the look out for when the reaction of a person does not match the situation, in terms of proportionality. For example, if someone you love is yelling their heart out at a customer service agent who just told them they can’t help them, something may have been triggered.

3. Move through triggers with your loved one. When someone is triggered, this is not the time to dive into cognitive tasks - the body of a triggered person is literally incapable of doing so due to the lack of blood flow to the prefrontal cortex, or the “thinking” part of the brain. Offer your presence to the person who is triggered, and ask them if they can breathe with you - long, deep breaths, or if they can look at you at tell you all the items of clothing you are wearing. This can help quickly move the blood in the brain from the limbic system (aka “lizard brain”) to the “thinking” brain.

4. Use the grounding techniques in this post to help someone who is triggered, or needs help in regulating their nervous system.

We have just scratched the surface of understanding trauma and becoming more trauma-informed in our relationships. But if you are reading this post, it means you are motivated to know more and to have kinder, more attuned relationships with others. Thank you for that desire - it helps our world become a little kinder.

If you enjoyed this post and want to keep learning more about trauma, subscribe to my newsletter in the footer of the website and be the first to know when new blogs come out.

Thank you for reading and being here. If you are interested in learning more about working with a trauma therapist in Seattle, please click here to contact me and schedule a free 15 minute consultation to connect.

---