5 Myths About Trauma and Healing
You only need to put the word “trauma” into a Google search to see thousands of articles, resources and guides that tell you about its meaning and how to heal from it. Yet even with this wealth of knowledge out there, few of these resources mention the myths that come with healing from trauma. These myths can be so pervasive that they slip our minds and become beliefs, and another way to hold ourselves to a standard that may be impossible.
So today is a time to dispel some of the myths about trauma and healing, so you can allow more room for breath on your healing journey.
But first, what is trauma?
If you haven’t read this blog post yet, I suggest you do that first before continuing on with this one. It can help establish a foundation for what we are going to be talking about in more detail.
Ready to proceed? Let’s dive into the myths about trauma and healing.
1. All the bad things that have happened/can happen to a person are trauma
Not everything IS trauma, but anything CAN become traumatic.
What do I mean by that? If you read my What is Trauma blog post, you remember me saying that trauma is a physiological response that bore no witness. It’s a fight/flight/freeze/fawn response that got stuck and was never named, addressed or soothed. It is something that happened to you and no one was there to make it better.
Meaning a person can experience something awful, and not become traumatized by it. Whether it is by the strength of their nervous system response, a soothing/calming presence of someone who was there with them/for them during the occurrence of trauma or immediately after, or a combination of both.
What becomes traumatic varies wildly from person to person, and is determined by a myriad of things: genetics, historical precedents (intergenerational trauma, oppression experiences), environment, social support, access to services, inner resources, etc. Two people can go through the same terrifying event and one comes out of it with trauma they will hold onto for years, while the other person is fine.
2. Trauma healing is a linear process
A common misconception about healing trauma is that it is a straightforward, linear process where there is a beginning, middle and an end.
Nope!
Trauma healing has its own timeline and it doesn’t obey our notions of time. It is a continuous process of slowing down (because during traumatic events, we had to think/act fast), of paying attention to the body and its cues, to creating space where none where allowed before.
It is a process that is somewhat similar to traveling along a spiral: when you first begin, the first loop around will be the widest. But the more you go around the loops, the narrower they get. Meaning when you inevitably will face your trauma again, it will take you less time to recognize what’s happening. You will still come back to the same thoughts/feelings/memories/triggers, but with each round it will take you less time to move into, alongside and through them.
3. You can heal trauma on your own
This may sound controversial to some people, but as someone who has been in both the therapist and client chairs, I truly believe that healing trauma is a process in which you need other people. Why?
Because we humans are inherently relational beings, and because most harm that we have experienced has occurred in a relational sphere - family, school, friends, church, etc.
Since time immemorial communities around the world healed together, through telling stories, dancing, signing, humming together. We need other people to heal, and other people need us. There is an interconnectedness between all of us, and we can tap into that in order to finally let someone else hold our story with the reverence it deserves.
4. You need to heal your trauma/have it all together before being in a relationship with someone else
There is a myth out there that we need to be completely healed and put together before seeking out relationships, romantic or otherwise.
This kind of narrative is not only misinformed, it is also harmful.
To further drive down the point from the above mentioned text - we need others to heal. So many people will testify to the fact that relationships with others have been healing spaces for them. That by being with others, they were able to notice triggers, thoughts, feelings that they wouldn’t have otherwise and be able to work through them.
You are perfectly worthy of a relationship now, just as you are.
That is not to say you shouldn’t do your own work, because that can be incredibly helpful. But your inherent worthiness does not depend on the state of your healing.
5. Trauma is all in your head
You may have heard this one before, perhaps as a dismissal from a family member who refuses to believe your experience of the past. “Trauma is all in your head!”, they will say. Or “Toughen up, you are fine.”
But that’s not true.
An incredible amount of research has been done into the effects of trauma on the body, and the simple conclusion I can offer to all of it is this: trauma changes you. Trauma changes your brain, your body, your physiology. Certain parts of the brain may become larger because of traumatic events you have experienced (think amygdala and brain parts that monitor for threat), certain other parts may become smaller (hypothalamus, a place where memories are storied and retrieved).
Trauma affects every facet of your physical body. Which is why healing trauma must include, if not fully focus on, addressing the trauma in the body.
Are there other myths about trauma and healing you heard? What has been helpful to you as you continue your own journey through this? Feel free to drop me an email to share.